her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
