i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
