I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
