I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
