i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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