well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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