I just saw a hot homeless man
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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