i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize