I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
