Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
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I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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