i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
