We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
