I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
