So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
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Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I will pee on everything he values.
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Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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