And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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