I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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