haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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