We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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