I wish I could punch you in the face.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
