How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
