TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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