Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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