We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
BRING THE BAGELS
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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