Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
