just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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