lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
