bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
