Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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