she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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