A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
