Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
