it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
