whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
