that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
