oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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