I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
