Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
