Dual....:-)
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
