thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A bitchslap is in order.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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