Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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