She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
