You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
