that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
