I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
