Michael Bay diarrhea
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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