Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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