First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
