i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
