she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I had to cum in my sink.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
