I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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