I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
