Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
