Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
