i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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