Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I believe in your delicious
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