In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
