The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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