But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
