kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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