Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
