My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
