i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
