do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
