I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
whose parrot is this?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
