last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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