Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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