Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
