"it" just moved
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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