I think my fart just growled at me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
