Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
